Here is an ongoing list of items which are common sense, in Mike's world.

• Pasta is nothing more than glorified hog feed.

• Toilet paper should always be installed with the end of the roll coming over the top, toward you, not toward the wall. This common-sense approach has been verified by the originator of the toilet paper roll himself: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/17/toilet-paper-actually-goes-over_n_6887724.html

• One should always be forthright; there's no sense beating around the bush, ever.

• If it's morning and it's still dark out, it's still considered "the middle of the night."

• It's asinine to get up for work (or for anything for that matter) in the middle of the night. (It's considered the middle of the night if it's still dark out).

• If you leave work before Mike, you're leaving early.

• Never wear denim above the waist. (Exception: denim which extends above the waist and is permanently attached to the denim below the waist, as in suspenders.)

• One should never have a bookbag with leather or suede on its base. And when zippering such a bag, always leave the adjoining zippers at the top, so that you won't have to hunt around for them when you want to open it.

• Keys always go in the left pocket; money goes in the right pocket. Nothing thicker than a few sheets of paper should ever go into the rear pockets.

• It's impossible to get any work done without bash.

• Saying "I will" is the same as saying "I promise."

• There are only four things one needs in life to exist: cheese, chocolate, peppers, and sex.

• Most lagers are horsepiss. All American lagers are horsepiss.

• One should never eat nacho/tortilla/corn chips plain. For best results, eat them with chili con queso. At the very least, salsa.