Here is an ongoing list of items which are
common sense, in Mike's world.
- Pasta is nothing more than glorified hog feed.
- Toilet paper should always be installed with the end of the roll coming
over the top, toward you, not toward the wall. This
common-sense approach has been verified by the originator of the toilet paper
roll himself: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/17/toilet-paper-actually-goes-over_n_6887724.html
- One should always be forthright; there's no sense beating around the
- If it's morning and it's still dark out, it's still considered "the middle
of the night."
- It's asinine to get up for work (or for anything for that matter) in the
middle of the night. (It's considered the middle of the night if it's
still dark out).
- If you leave work before Mike, you're leaving early.
- Never wear denim above the waist. (Exception: denim which extends above
the waist and is permanently attached to the denim below the waist, as
- One should never have a bookbag with leather or suede on its base. And
when zippering such a bag, always leave the adjoining zippers at the top,
so that you won't have to hunt around for them when you want to open it.
- Keys always go in the left pocket; money goes in the right pocket.
Nothing thicker than a few sheets of paper should ever go into the
- It's impossible to get any work done without bash.
- Saying "I will" is the same as saying "I promise."
- There are only four things one needs in life to exist: cheese, chocolate,
peppers, and sex.
- Most lagers are horsepiss. All American lagers are horsepiss.
- One should never eat nacho/tortilla/corn chips plain. For best
results, eat them with chili con queso. At the very least, salsa.